pretty much wordless wednesday

14 years ago these two little kids started dating.

what a crazy little thing THAT started!

happy 14 years "together" babe!!

a little pregnancy update.

last monday i had my first official OB visit. even though i've already seen my doctor. ;)

((i also learned that our van ONLY fits on the first level of the parking ramp, not because i hit anything, but good thing they have those things telling you what the height limit is!))

it went well. and i was able to see another picture of the baby!! so i'll share that first. 

the baby is actually starting to LOOK like a baby. well, i can see it.

the appointment went well. everything is looking good. i've started to get progesterone shots instead of suppositories because of insurance reasons. THANKFULLY! i can go to town and get them twice a week instead of running a half hour away for a 2 minute shot.

i've been really exhausted and pretty much take a nap every day while the kids do rest time. i'm so thankful to have such fantastic kids that all rest during the day at the same time! :)

i feel sick a lot of the day. but the past few days i have had some "good spells". so that has been FABULOUS! today i am 9 weeks 4 days. so i keep praying that around 12 weeks i'll get some energy back and maybe not feel so sick.

my belly, well not my belly belly but my lower belly is starting to feel hard. i can't wait to look pregnant. instead of fat. because honestly...i hate looking fat. and my friends i have not even HIT the awkward is she pregnant or fat stage so i have a while before i'll actually LOOK pregnant instead of looking fat but maybe pregnant. i'm really struggling with my weight. i am at least 40 pounds heavier with this pregnancy than ANY of my others. in fact i'm at my ENDING weight of evaleigh's pregnancy. and i hate it. this weekend has been really hard for some reason. i know it's all my own doing, I MADE MYSELF this way. so then i get even more upset because of what I did TO myself. i have no excuse at all. and that just drives me crazy. blech. i don't want to seem like a debbie downer, and i don't need people telling me i "look good". because i KNOW that i don't. i look fat. i look like someone who decided she didn't care about herself all winter and if she weren't pregnant would need an entire new wardrobe because all of her clothes from last summer and the summer before are sized mediums. so my goal is to get on the treadmill, not to try and lose weight or anything, but to be "in shape" if that makes sense. and to hopefully curb the weight gain, because we all know i don't need to gain weight! my baby can just move "up" my belly and we'll be set, since i already look pregnant.  ((although, if i lose a few inches in these thunder-ish thighs...i will not be complaining!))

ANYWAYS. i set up all my appointments for this baby. it makes december seem like it's coming pretty soon! my nuchal scan in the 10th of june, they were able to guess with evaleigh at that u/s. so i'm hoping maybe for a guess of the gender at this one. :) my gender scan is the 31st of july. i would love to do a gender reveal party, but haven't really planned anything. i just think it'd be fun. :)

we're thinking of "f'" names a little bit. right now i like finley for a boy, and finleigh for a girl. i also sort of like franchessca for a girl, but i don't love it. f is by far the hardest letter. or i'm just too picky. either way, we're having a harder time with this letter. and i have NO ideas on a middle name. we usually pick someone to name the baby after, so we just have to decide that i guess and we'll be set.

i sometimes still can't believe we're having another baby!! ((then i look in the driveway and see our van...and remember! :) ))

big popp-a

well...i am pretty sure i already mentioned that we bought the van.

i picked it up last weekend with the girls. 

here's us with big popp-a. which we really don't call it that, but we decided...okay I decided...it neeed a name. ;)

it hasn't been too bad driving. and i actually really love it. i made my first stop to sam's club with it and i was able to get everything in without a problem. the only thing we were worried about was storage in the back, because we previously had a yukon xl with lots of back storage.

the van came with a back up camera, so that is AWESOME for backing up.

we also splurged for a dvd player to added. if we take any long road trips a dvd player is a must for us.

the kids all love it. and they're fighting less because of being spread out! win. win!!

the only issue we're having...is a dumb bird that continues to build a nest in the hood!! any tips on getting that to stop are welcome!!

this past weekend a friend came over to give me  my birthday present, she helped (did most ALL of the work, actually!) dig up weeds and plant a whole bunch of new flowers. one of my most favorite gifts, ever! after we were done we drove to town and had dinner together. we drove our big ole vans together. and asked for a table for 12. with 10 kids and 2 adults! it was fantastic!!

ch-ch-changes

i'm so excited to share the changes we made to our house!! it's been literally TEN years in waiting, BUT God has provided...in HIS perfect timing the funds to make our house this way. and we feel SO blessed!

here is the before of the side of our house.

and after! changes you'll notice: the large window (to the right) is now two smaller windows. you can't see the third in the before picture, but that's not changed! we took out the two attic windows and made it one small octagon window. we also buried the electric, so no wires in the air and no pole up the side of the house!

the before of the front of our house.

 after. changes made: we made the size of the windows smaller and even though you really can't tell, the upstairs window on the right was moved over like 10 inches. basically for cosmetic reasons on the inside of our bedroom. :)

the west side of our house before.

after. changes: MOST IMPORTANT!! i have WEST SIDE FACING WINDOWS IN MY LIVING ROOM!! i've been wanting them FOREVER!! SO excited!! we also made the other window smaller. :)

here's the living room wall before. ((and after we moved everything for them to do the windows. ;) )

after!! we changed up the color because the orange wasn't cutting it with windows on it. :) 

more of the back/side of the house before.

after. changes: we made the windows smaller upstairs. 

side of the house before.

after. we took out the door, we've never used it. AND it's been sealed up for as long as i can remember. :) 

different view of the side of the house in the first picture

after, but not the same angle...OBVIOUSLY! ;)

and there YOU have it!! 

we love it.

really, really, really LOVE it.

we originally were going to go with a green color. but changed our mind at the last minute. i like the gray a lot and am really happy with it. we will probably add shutters at some point, just not in the budget right now. and of course, LOTS of landscaping to be done!  a dear friend wants to help me get organized and buy me some plants as my birthday present. i'm SO excited for that. ((i'm just hoping to have energy soon to do that!))

i'm also excited because we're getting our bathroom done soon! the same contractors are doing it, so i know we have NOTHING to worry about. they do a beautiful job. and the job site is CLEAN every single night! we were really impressed, and highly recommend Christel & Heiberger Builders.

other news...we bought a 12 passenger van today. a 12 passenger van. i can't believe it! we pick it up this weekend. :) now to think of a name for it! ;) 

here's the story...

i'm assuming you noticed the added letter to my picture from yesterday. 

so i thought since i like knowing the details and story behind things...i'd share my story behind the added letter. ((that and, my kids have been watching the brady bunch...so i get the theme song stuck in my head. we're having our sixth kid...so it all fits...here's the story...))

let's travel back about 6 or 7 months. something weird started happening in me. i really can't explain it well. but i just felt that the Lord was asking me/us to be open to having another baby. it was crazy. i mean i didn't feel like i wanted another baby. i was done. but there was just something that kept pulling on me. i mentioned it to shaun. he wasn't really sure at all. so we decided to just pray about it and see what God had. 

about 2 months later we both felt "ready" to "not try, not prevent". that if God wanted us to have another baby, then we would. if He didn't, then we wouldn't. honestly. the day we decided this (NOT in the heat of the moment. ;) ) i felt so free. that a burden had been lifted off of my/our shoulders. it was confirmation to me that we were doing the very thing God was asking us to do. it was honestly a very huge step for us. 

it was funny. after we decided to go forward with "whatever". my cycles were the most messed up they've ever been. i've always been a typical 28 day cycle...to the second. then i had a 32 day cycle. took about five pregnancy tests-all negative! because i was so used to a 28 day cycle. the next month. another 32 day cycle.  i don't remember if i tested that month. lol. THEN. THEN!!! a 26 day cycle. 26 days. AND WHILE ON VACATION!! seriously!?!? i couldn't believe it. it was sort of irritating actually. especially considering i hadn't packed anything for it. because it wasn't supposed to come until we were HOME! ;)

so when your cycles are screwed up, it's really easy to not try. because you can't even begin to guess WHEN to try. HA! add in to the equation how many times it ACTUALLY happens with a husband who works 60-65 hours each week, a pretty busy wife, and five kids...the chances were slim. ;)

then two days after my birthday. shaun and i had a date night. we went to walmart so i could get my shoes for the wedding we're standing up in september. then i said. OK.. so if my cycle was like last month, i should've gotten it wednesday. if it's like the other months...i should get it next tuesday. if it's a 28 day. i should have gotten it today. can i just buy a test?

shaun took a deep breath, because even though he knew the possibilities are there...he still gets nervous. lol, and said, sure.

shaun had to go to the bathroom. i had to go to the bathroom. so OF COURSE! i just went on in and took the test. honestly? i was NOT expecting a positive result. so much so, i didn't even buy the digital test. i figured why waste money just to read "not pregnant". the joke was on me. that pink line showed up faster than flies on cow poop. i stared at it. held in a scream of excitement, because there was a lady in the stall next to me. i didn't want to frighten her. i put the test in my coat pocket and floated out of the bathroom. i barely remember anything after seeing TWO LINES!

as i waited for shaun i did very well at holding in everything that wanted to jump up and down and scream! he walked out. i said, how'd that go? (SERIOUSLY!! WHO ASKS THAT! LOL!!)

he rolled his eyes at me and said. 'fine'.

then he looks at me (i was trying to be inconspicuous) and said, how'd that go? and before i could answer "you're pregnant, aren't you?"

i smiled huge. pulled the pee stick out of my pocket in the middle of walmart and showed him. and said I AM!!

we walked out of walmart smiling like big dorks. and i wouldn't be surprised if we end up on people of walmart or something. ((ps. this is fourth baby i have found out about in the walmart bathroom. first was caitlyn, then dustin, then one of the babies we lost in 2009 and this one. :) )) 

after i saw the positive test a few things clicked in my head. i had not felt good that day or the day before, but figured it was because i was hungry. it was the 'empty stomach feeling'. and i took a nap that day. i never nap. but was so tired. 

i called my doctor on monday and she ordered a check of my hcg and progesterone levels. my hcg level came back great and my progesterone okay at 17. (they want it at 20) i had my levels rechecked two days later and my hcg rose "beautifully" in the nurses words. but my progesterone had dropped to 11 something. i wanted to freak out. i even TRIED to freak out. BUT the peace of God that passes all understanding surrounded me. ((and some sweet friends that knew, were praying for me)) i was put on suppositories and then went off to the women's retreat.

i was thankful for the women's retreat weekend being the weekend it was. i couldn't sit at home and just think all day. i was busy and had a ton of fun fellowshipping with my sweet sisters. i remember telling one of my friends i keep waiting for myself to freak out. but i'm not. God is so cool!

i had to wait until the next tuesday to get my levels rechecked. and my hcg levels continued to do what they should. and my body responded nicely to the progesterone and my levels were FINALLY above 20 at 21. i felt a little more "in the clear". 

then thursday, i did my thing like normal. and a few hours later...was bleeding. i calmed myself down and instantly went to the Lord. a few hours later, i was a wreck for about 10 minutes. i had a good ugly cry in shaun's arms and he prayed with me. we prayed and asked God that if we were supposed to trust Him to get pregnant and if it was His will to take the baby now, then...let your will be done. i selfishly asked Him to do it IMMEDIATELY though. i didn't want to carry the baby a second longer if He had plans of taking it. 

the bleeding stopped by morning, and when i called the nurse we agreed that it was probably from the suppository and me irritating something that caused the bleeding. 

saturday. two days later. i had more bleeding. this time it was red. and i said, okay, Lord. here it is. and then a few hours later it was gone. and i begged AGAIN. LORD! please, if it is your will to take this baby...TAKE IT! i'm ready for whatever you have.

two days later. i stared in awe at the flickering heartbeat of our little baby. 

and a few days since. i still can picture the flickering heartbeat of the "little blob" that God is growing inside of me.

is the heartbeat the assurance that i'll deliver this baby in december? no. but my assurance is that God's plan is ALWAYS good. and as i rest and sit at His feet, i know He has it all under control. and i need to worry about NOTHING! nothing at all. because "He's got this." all i have to do is take a leap of faith, and trust that He does have it. to not try to do anything "on my own." and this feeling is SO freeing. SO beautiful and can ONLY come from Him.

so that's the story. the beautiful story of how God CAN change your heart. and looking back, i realize how He protected me so wonderfully. with everything i went through emotionally after evaleigh, there is NO way a baby would've been a "good" thing. God protected me. He took my desire for more babies away. and then... two and a half years later...He slowly crept it back into my heart. and even when i questioned Him, REALLY!? another baby? i thought i was done? He said, daughter, trust me. my plans are way better than yours. 

we are so excited. the kids can't wait. and we're hoping for a little brother for dustin. the girls say that there's no room for another little girl in their bedroom. :) i just think it would be so great for a brother for dustin. but really...we don't care at all. and i'd love to just have a baby in my arms come december.

i'm due december 20th. 

i've been feeling SO exhausted. maybe it's because i'm 30 but i have no memory of this level of exhaustion with the others. or it's been so long since i've been pregnant, that i just forgot.

i feel sick pretty much from later morning until bedtime. eating makes it worse. so maybe that will help curb huge weight gain! it's the first pregnancy that i've eaten saltine crackers. and they work, for a little while.

i also have crazy insomnia! i'm tired ALL day. and then at about 3AM i'm wide awake. and toss and turn until 6ish until i just get up. i was really thankful this morning because i was able to sleep until 730! woo hoo. :) 

through all of it. even the sickness feeling. i'm SO thankful to have all of this. to be able to have another chance to experience the joy of pregnancy. the joy of a child growing inside of me. 

now...to look at 12 passenger vans...

wordless-ish wednesday

we are all over the moon excited.

vacation pictures and such.

i finally uploaded my pictures from vacation!

here is a link to the facebook album. you'll be able to see them even if you don't have facebook.

i uploaded over 200, and didn't feel like uploading them again.

we had such a great time on vacation. it was really hard to leave. and i had a hard time when we got home, adjusting to life back "home". but it's been over a month...and i can safely say that we've all gotten back in the groove of things.

we're working on school. this is the first year that i think we'll really school all year round. which, i'm actually really excited about. with some breaks that we took this year and things that came up...it works really well to just continue all summer. and really, it won't be every day. but just enough to keep on track with everything and to keep in the groove. it's really hard to get back in it when you've done nothing for a few months. i'm really excited to finish up our year one of tapestry of grace. we just all LOVE this curriculum. and i'm anxious to buy year two, SOON! :)

our house is looking FABULOUS!! they have to finish up a few things this week, so i'll be sure to post pictures when it's finished. AH! seriously, for the first time in almost 10 years of living here...i'm starting to LOVE my house. i've always liked it, but now that we're making it our own...i'm just loving it. :)

it's been nice getting outside to play, FINALLY! the kids have been sleeping like rocks the past few nights. they're just loving being able to run around and play and bike. and dig. and everything else. in fact, they helped dig a trench this weekend. :) we're burying our electric, and shaun was working on some of it, to save on cost for us, and the kids loved it. i'll leave you with a picture of them. :)